Javascript Emulating the BSoD
A Javascript Emulation of the Windows 7 Blue Screen of Death (BSoD)
I got bored one day and decided to come up with my own emulator for the BSoD. Nobody seemed to have a good one. Many were image-based. The text-based ones didn't use the correct font or background color and none were animated at all. This text-based BSoD emulator bridges the gap by using the correct system font, the correct background color, and by running an animation of an attempted memory dump. This script does its best to disable the user controls as well, so that (if desired) you can use it to fool some folks for fun and whatever profit you can derive from such a meaningless gag.
For added agony (familiar to those who have been using Windows for a few years) there is a randomized chance at any given step of having the memory dump fail. A crash-within-a-crash, if you will. Here is the script:
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd">
<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en">
<head>
<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=utf-8" />
<title>Windows » System Error</title>
<link type="image/x-icon" href="/windows_logo_favicon2.ico" rel="shortcut icon" />
<style type="text/css">
*{margin:0;padding:0;border:0;}
html,body{overflow:hidden;background:#0102ac;cursor:no-drop;cursor:progress;cursor:wait;cursor:none;}
body{height:99999px;width:99999px;}
#text{width:822px;height:694px;position:fixed;top:10%;margin-top:-67px;left:5%;margin-left:-42px;}
p{color:#fff;font-family:'lucida console','courier';font-size:17.25pxfont-weight:normal;margin:0 auto 1em auto;white-space:nowrap;width:821px;}
/*
removed font: 'fixedsys',
since that font won't resize properly in IE...
*/
#animated_block{display:none;margin-top:3em;margin-bottom:0;}
#step_2,#step_3,#step_4{display:none;}
#bsod_text{width:926px;margin-left:-464px;margin-top:-126px;}
#bsod_cursor{width:9px;height:2px;margin-left:162px;margin-top:128px;}
#failure{display:none;margin-bottom:0;}
#failure_1{display:none;}
</style>
<script type="text/javascript">
var step=0;
var cycle;
sequence=1;
function get_random_number(from, to){
return Math.floor(Math.random() * (to - from + 1) + from);
}
function start_animation(){
cycle=setTimeout(function(){
document.getElementById('animated_block').style.display="block";
},200);
}
function increment_sequence_1(){
var target=document.getElementById('sequence_1');
target.innerHTML+=".";
if(target.innerHTML=="..." || target.innerHTML.length>2){
sequence=2;
setTimeout(function(){
document.getElementById('step_2').style.display="inline";
},500);
var random_time=get_random_number(1000,3000);
setTimeout(function(){
increment_sequence_2();
},random_time);
}
else{
//select random time increment between 500ms and, say 2500ms to increment by...
var random_time=get_random_number(500,2500);
setTimeout(function(){
increment_sequence_1();
},random_time);
}
}
function increment_sequence_2(){
var target=document.getElementById('sequence_2');
target.innerHTML+=".";
if(target.innerHTML==="..."){
//random 1/20 chance of error "failure_1" (dump file size too small, switching to minidump)
var random_time=get_random_number(1,20);
if(random_time==1){
sequence="2a";
setTimeout(function(){
document.getElementById('failure_1').style.display="inline";
},500);
var random_time=get_random_number(1000,3000);
setTimeout(function(){
increment_sequence_2a();
},random_time);
}
else{
sequence=2;
setTimeout(function(){
document.getElementById('step_3').style.display="inline";
},500);
var random_time=get_random_number(1000,3000);
setTimeout(function(){
increment_sequence_3();
},random_time);
}
}
else{
//select random time increment between 500ms and, say 2500ms to increment by...
var random_time=get_random_number(500,2500);
setTimeout(function(){
increment_sequence_2();
},random_time);
}
}
function increment_sequence_2a(){
var target=document.getElementById('sequence_2a');
target.innerHTML+=".";
if(target.innerHTML==="..."){
//random chance to fail again (50/50, since things are going so badly so far...)
var random_time=get_random_number(1,2);
if(random_time==1){
var random_time=get_random_number(1000,3000);
setTimeout(function(){
document.getElementById('failure').style.display="block";
},random_time);
}
else{
sequence=2;
setTimeout(function(){
document.getElementById('step_3').style.display="inline";
},500);
var random_time=get_random_number(1000,3000);
setTimeout(function(){
increment_sequence_3();
},random_time);
}
}
else{
//select random time increment between 500ms and, say 2500ms to increment by...
var random_time=get_random_number(500,2500);
setTimeout(function(){
increment_sequence_2a();
},random_time);
}
}
function increment_sequence_3(){
var target=document.getElementById('sequence_3');
var crashed=0;
var number=target.innerHTML * 1;
if(number==''){
number=0;
}
number++;
target.innerHTML=number;
if(number>80){
//if we're greater than 80% progress, we get a 1/35 chance of crashing all together before the memory dump completes...
crashed=get_random_number(1,35);
}
else{
//if we're less than or equal to 80% progress, we get a 1/150 chance of crashing all together before the memory dump completes...
crashed=get_random_number(1,150);
}
if(crashed==1){
//laugh and laugh, because even the error recovery didn't work!
var random_time=get_random_number(2300,4200);
setTimeout(function(){
document.getElementById('failure').style.display="block";
},random_time);
}
else{
if(target.innerHTML==100){
sequence=2;
setTimeout(function(){
document.getElementById('step_4').style.display="inline";
},500);
}
else{
//select random time increment between 200ms and, say 500ms to increment by...
var random_time=get_random_number(100,700);
setTimeout(function(){
increment_sequence_3();
},random_time);
}
}
}
function disable_controls(){
var my_body=document.getElementsByTagName('body')[0];
my_body.setAttribute('oncontextmenu','return false;');
my_body.setAttribute('onkeydown','return false;');
my_body.setAttribute('onkeyup','return false;');
}
window.onload = function() {
disable_controls();
document.onselectstart = function() {return false;} // ie
document.onmousedown = function() {return false;} // mozilla
start_animation();
var random_time=get_random_number(10,1700);
setTimeout(function(){
increment_sequence_1();
},random_time)
}
</script>
</head>
<body>
<div id="text">
<p>A problem has been detected and Windows has been shut down to prevent damage <br />to your computer.</p>
<p>The problem seems to be caused by the following file: SPCMDCON.SYS</p>
<p>PAGE_FAULT_IN_NONPAGED_AREA</p>
<p>If this is the first time you've seen this Stop error screen, <br />restart your computer. If this screen appears again, <br />follow these steps:</p>
<p>Check to make sure any new hardware or software is properly installed. <br />If this is a new installation, ask your hardware or software manufacturer <br />for any Windows updates you might need.</p>
<p>If problems continue, disable or remove any newly installed hardware <br />or software. Disable BIOS memory options such as caching or shadowing. <br />If you need to use Safe Mode to remove or disable components, restart <br />your computer, press F8 to select Advanced Startup Options, and then <br />select Safe Mode.</p>
<p>Technical information:</p>
<p>*** STOP: 0X00000050 (0xFD3094C2,0x00000001,0xFBFE7617,0x00000000)</p>
<p style="margin-top:2em;">*** SPCMDCON.SYS – Address FBFE7617 base at FBFE5000, DateStamp 3d6dd67c</p>
<p id="animated_block">Collecting data for crash dump <span id="sequence_1"></span><span id="step_2"><br />Initializing disk for crash dump <span id="sequence_2"></span></span><span id="failure_1"><br />Dump file size is too small – requires at least 614829824 bytes. <br />Future kernel memory dumps my require larger size. <br />Switching to minidump <span id="sequence_2a"></span></span><span id="step_3"><br />Beginning dump of physical memory.<br />Dumping physical memory to disk: <span id="sequence_3"></span></span><span id="step_4"><br />Physical memory dump complete.<br />Contact your system admin or technical support group for further assistance.</span></p>
<p id="failure">Physical memory dump failed with status 0xC000009C. <br />Contact your system admin or technical support group for further assistance.</p>
</div>
</body>
</html>
NOTE: You will NOT be able to use your keyboard to navigate away or to enter/exit full-screen mode of your browser. To see the script in action, just go to the bsod emulator. For extra fun, press F11 (make your browser go full-screen) before you follow the link. Don't panic. You won't be stuck there. You just have to move your (invisible if you're using Firefox) mouse up to the top edge of the screen to select another tab in your browser (or create a new tab). Once you are off of the emulator's screen you will be able to restore your browser back down to normal size by pressing F11 again.